You know you are an Australian Turk when..

You know you are an Australian Turk when..

An oldie but a goodie! The following article is made of jokes passed between Australian Turks via email in the early 2000s. It was first published in 2004 on QTurks.com and later on EverythingTurkish.com.au in 2007.

You know you are a Turk when..


1. you’ve lived in Auburn; Broadmeadows or Dandenong

2. you have at least one relative that lives in Mildura or Shepparton

3. your family or relatives owns a restaurant on Sydney road

4. your parents pronounce Brunswick as Branzvik

5. you know where “Ford’un arkasi” or “Corum parki” is

6. your dad’s favorite English insult it “Blady poofta!”

7. you argue with your Greek friends about if Turks or Greeks invented kebabs

8. your parents watch the “Ibo Show” or “Kara Melek”

9. your father used to work at the Ford factory

10. your father now is a Taxi driver or owns a Restaurant

11. you are forbidden to speak English at home but speak Anglo-Turkish e.g.
“Mom ben tonight disari cikmak istiyorum” (this is especially true for Cypriot Turks)

12. you have watched all the Kemal Sunal movies and think they are hilarious

13. you are 30 years old and still living with your parents

14. you always bet money on Turkey in a soccer match even if they are playing Brazil

15. your name ends with -han; -kan; -tan

16. you can speak perfect Turkish even though you have lived in Australia all your life

17. you are an adult and your mother still thinks she can bash you

18. your parents pronounce Coburg as Koburk

19. your name rhymes with your brothers and sisters names

20. your parents pronounce Thursday as Turzdey

21. your mother can cook at least four different kinds of dolma

22. your dad drinks two liters of tea every day

23. you brag to your friends about how your great grand father shot dead 50 skips in Galipoli

24. you learnt to dance the Zeybek by watching your drunken relatives at a friends wedding

25. at least one of your aunts or uncles is married to an Albanian; Bosnian or a Bulgarian

26. you think kick boxing is the Turkish national sport

27. you go out with a Turkish girl; your parents automatically think that you’re going to marry her

28. your mother thinks that all Australians are uncultured convicts with no respect for anyone

29. you have at least three evil eye beads (Nazar boncuk) hanging over your doors in the house or hanging on the rear view mirror in the car

30. you don’t know half the people on your dad’s side but know everyone on your mothers side of the family

31. your parent’s friends always confuse you with your older brother/sister

32. your parents want you to go to University just so they can show off to their friends

33. if your great grand mother was from Russia or Greece

34. if you think that Galatasaray is the best soccer team in Europe

35. your father thinks he knows everything and there is no way you can win an argument with him even if you are 100% right

36. you went to learn folk dancing on Saturdays when you were young

37. you are an adult and your parents still expect you to kiss the hands of visitors (misafir)

38. you go on facebook 24/7

39. you passed Turkish school with out doing any work because your Turkish teacher is a family friend

40. you have an account with every single mobile phone provider

41. someone in your family is a panel beater

42. your Baba hangs out in the Kahve (Cafe) with his friend’s playing cards or Okay

43. your parents used to make you go to the Bakkal (boudega) to buy a newspaper when you were 5 years old

44. your mother used to hit you when you were small to make you stop crying.. I still don’t understand that one

45. your father or uncle buys smashed cars; fixes them up and sells them for twice the money he spent on them

46. you have never paid money for a program or game for your computer; instead you just borrow it from your friends or just get it burnt

47. when it’s Bayram and you go to someone’s house and they offer you lollies; you take a handful


you go out with a Turkish girl; your (and her) Turkish parents automatically think that you're going to marry her

you go out with a Turkish girl; your (and her) Turkish parents automatically think that you’re going to marry her

This article originally appeared on EverythingTurkish

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